Deadline
I’m really not the type to talk about myself on the internet or at all really but I figured I might as well say this to someone before I do anything that I can’t take back. Basically I’ve wanted to kill myself for a very long time (attempted twice age 14 and age 18) but I’ve found ways to postpone it for a while now (2015-present); first it was college, then it was a spontaneous extended trip, then it was my younger sister and school again, and this year it was Austin City Limits. Well right before ACL things started getting bad again, I got into a big fight with my older sister which resulted in a pending felony charge (court date is coming up) losing half of my belongings and the $2000 I put into our place together, and moving in with my mother and younger sister. I still went to ACL and had a great time but I came back to my mess of a life. I’m more in debt than I’ve ever been, my younger sister doesn’t want me around anymore (which really sucks considering she’s the ONLY person that I live for) and I don’t really have friends anymore. I’m broke and I haven’t made any progress in life since I graduated HS. I can go through the motions just fine but I can’t lie to myself, I’m the reason for 90% of my problems right now and I have done terrible things, I’m not an important part of anyone’s life, and I really just don’t care anymore. I’ve lost the energy to fight and a fighting is all I have to look forward to. I have nobody to confide in, I have nobody to rely on, and I don’t have any resources to help me here. I’ve had my suicide planned for a while now, writing this I realize that I just can’t find a good reason to go on but I would like to hear someone try to talk me off the ledge just once even if it doesn’t work out.
